It is a strange feeling. It isn't apathy nor is it laziness. It is a feeling of detachment or dullness. I think i realized what it is. Perhaps it is boredom. Maybe what she suggests comes across to me as boring. It can be. It is the same every time. We go to movie theater. We hang out and watch a movie. We cuddle and watch a movie at her house. We canoodle during the movie at my house. We sit around and talk. We do the same thing.
At the movie theater, she asked me to go into the movie while she got treats. I declined the offer, saying, "what if some creepy guy comes in here and takes you away?" She then said something that made me smile, "Then you would have to see the movie by yourself." As i was standing there in line behind four other people waiting to be helped by the only person working behind the popcorn counter for a box of overpriced Whoppers, while the movie played on without me I couldn't help but imagine myself alone in that theater, enjoying the first fifteen minutes of the show. Being in that movie theater by myself would have been quite all right.
I was suprised that she could figure me out that quickly. She prised my soul, searching for an ailment of spirit that she could somehow heal with her soft words and delicate kisses. But not more than a few seconds after she asked me, she already knew. (and i didn't tell her of course) She knew that there wasn't something that was getting me down. There wasn't a scratch on my knee that she could kiss better, no emotional fever that could be felt with the palm to the forehead-- it was a only a doldrum. One where you were looking out the window all day to see the subtle signs of spring blossoming, making plans to be outside and enjoy the new life brought to earth, only to find out later that it is colder than you thought, and that spring really hasn't come yet, and all of your plans to enjoy that are dashed. You want to start something, create something new for spring, but you realize that you can't and you do nothing.

Today I spent some time working on my bicycle. I replaced the winter tires that I have been using with some summer road slicks. In the process, I managed to get my hands black with grease, dirt and road scum.
I passed my hands under the faucet, rubbing between them a mixture of soap and water, watching as it worked its way into the grime, pulling off small particles, leaving the sink speckled with bits of soap and grit. It smeared the basin, marking it with the remains of the needed repair work.
I couldn't help but relate this to my recent life experiences. As I dirty my hands in sin and evil, the only thing that can get them clean is the everlasting 'soap' that is the mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the only one that can wash away the black grease that stains us so easily. With His help, and only a small amount of work, we can rid ourselves of it, and be as clean as we were before it happened.

What a weekend it has been. hmmf.
They were on the verge of letting go, of forgetting all of the love that they had shared and giving up all of the memories that they had created. Gone would be those times of prolonged hugs and overt kisses.
Then change came over them. They smiled in the muted light of dawn, and held each other as if every word that had been spoken in somberness had fluttered away like bits of ash subject to the wind.